Social Media and Communication.

Some will get the point of this photo.

Social media has brought the best and worst out of people, and currently it seems as though the worst is prevailing.

I recently deleted my Facebook page as I found that the personal connection between friends and family was being lost by likes and status updates. I had also made the mistake of allowing people into my world that I had rarely any social contact with. When someone posted something that I felt needed challenging, I was told "Oh this doesn't refer to you." or "Why does she always challenge what you say?" I am a huge proponent of free speech, not stupid speech. Spewing garbage that isn't factual or has no basis for the argument, but purely follows the leader mentality, is stupid speech.

A few years ago I deleted my Facebook account as I had become discouraged by the fake life that people were posting. That decision came about as a dear friend of mine had passed away and from what he portrayed on Facebook couldn't have been further from the truth. It was devastating to me that I had been so naive into believing his life was as he played it out to be on Facebook. It was 5 years before I reactivated my Facebook account.

It has now required more effort on my part to stay in contact with people, to send texts, cards or postcards, to go back to the old school way of communication. Looking back on my childhood and teenage years, we stayed in contact more with people and surrounded ourselves with the people we cared about. It was easier back them to slowly phase people out of your life, with social media an "unfollow" decision creates backlash and venomous texts. As we grow older our circle becomes smaller because I have discovered I have less time or patience for people and their bull shit.

I will continue with my blog, when I feel the need to vent or share and I will make a more conscious effort to stay connected with those I love and care about. As far as the others are concerned, well maybe I should send them the photo above.

Just Another Chapter.

After many years of the why me mentality I am hopefully becoming wiser to those chapter events in my past and putting into play the lessons learned theory.

A few years ago I had a bangle made especially for me. I had been reading a book and the phrase "Examine What You Tolerate" really resonated with me. I wear my bangle everyday and recently while facing a dilemma I happened to glance down and see my bangle. I had a choice to make, I could either accept what was put before me or examine what I was tolerating. I made the choice to end that chapter and start a new one.

Normally in text books at the end of a chapter there is a revision section going over the most important points. In my chapter that I have now closed these are a few important points pertaining to that chapter.

1.  When people place you in a box that they believe is your worth, you begin to believe it.

2.  No matter how much kindness you show to others, there will always be people who will accept the act, but quite freely retaliate towards you in other ways.

3.  Your day to day life is surrounded by many acquaintances, but very few friends.

4.  When you tackle a task to the best of your ability, there will be that one person ready to pick it apart and become that formidable Yenta in your life.

5.  When you go off the radar for a bit to regroup, few will notice, but those that do, care.

6.  No matter how long it has been since you have physically seen an old friend, they are forever in your corner.

7.  Living on a separate continent to family and friends has been one of the most challenging things one can do, but your faith and solid bond will forever make sure you are always connected.

8.  Grief never goes away, it is forever present in your tears when a familiar smell makes a connection, a song on the radio is played, or a view that reminds you of home.

9.  There are people who believe in you. Who are your biggest cheerleaders and that those are the people you focus on instead of wasting energy on those who weaken your spirit.

10. It takes both the sun and the rain to make a rainbow.

I know that in this new chapter I will find success and peace because in my last chapter I totally rocked it.

On Your Phone Again.

Recently when we were in Yakima we not only went wine tasting we went beer tasting as well.  Our phones have the beer app Untappd. This app allows you to post the beer you are drinking, rate it, take a picture and hopefully get a badge. *side note* It is all about the badges for me.

When we first get our flight of tasters we get on our phones and start putting in the information. Last weekend as we were doing this at a brewery I looked up and noticed a couple looking at us and I thought they were probably thinking "Look at those people, on their phones, not talking to each other.", but they couldn't have been further from the truth.

Logging onto Untappd has actually become quite the family event, the beer olympics so to speak. We have to see who is going to earn a badge and who is leading in check-ins and distinct beers. I am not leading in check-ins and distinct beers, I know you're all shocked, but I do hold the honor in most badges collected.

Some people may think it a silly thing to do, and that is okay, but for us it is something we do and our interaction is just as much as it would be without our phones.

So when you next see a party of 3 on their phone at a brewery, tasting beers, typing quickly, laughing and pumping their fist in the air when a badge is downloaded, don't assume they are not connecting with each other, they very much are.

Being Kind to Yourself.

Today I was asked a rather strange question by my therapist, but one that really has had me pondering, hence here I am writing a blog post at 11:00 pm.  I was asked as to when was the last time I felt beautiful?

The question was asked after I had made a self derogatory comment about myself and how I compared myself to someone else who currently haunts my life. I had to think about the question and the answer was in 2009. 2009 When we lived in Utah, when I weighed a lot less, when life was so much simpler and happier, when I was so secure in what I had, I felt so beautiful. I was told I was beautiful.

Then life happened and Hashimoto's disease became the bane of my existence. Everything in my life spiraled. I gave away the majority of my shoes that made me feel beautiful. I placed my clothes that made me feel beautiful in storage because they no longer fit. I was no longer told I was beautiful.

This evening I scrolled through posts on Facebook and Twitter and read about shootings, political ramblings, how to be thinner, how to be richer, people celebrating 40 years of marriage, people getting ready to be married and the range of emotions were like riding on a roller coaster. I hate roller coasters.

Today was not a good day. I was not kind to someone who has been a part of my life for many years. We all have those days where words come out and our brain is back peddling, but they are out and...

I know many of you personally that read my blog and I have followed all your ups and downs and I know you can all relate. Yesterday a friend came over with wine. I love friends who bring wine.

Tonight I took out my watercolors and attempted to paint lavender as a reminder of our wonderful weekend in Yakima. I am watching reruns (again for the kajillionith time) of Murder she Wrote. My endocrinologist has me on another new medication. I got on the scale and have lost a whole pound. I had a friend text me from work letting me know she is thinking of me.

But what made me feel the most loved tonight was when my 24 year old son came up to me this evening, put his arm around me and made me laugh through my tears.

We are all going through something and I want you all to know that I think you all are wonderful, kind, funny, lovable, huggable, and most of all some of the most beautiful people in my life and being surrounded by you all, makes me feel beautiful.

Inner Peace.

In 1990 I left my home country, my family and friends. My adventures started in Seattle, I met people, belonged for a while and then moved. San Diego was my next stop, a Navy wife, people flitting in and out of my life and then we moved. For the next 17 years my stop was Utah and as always I came in on the tail end of other people's circle.

What I have struggled the most with is that I have never felt as though I really belonged, I was never a part of a circle. In 2010 we moved to Oregon. Another move. Another circle.

My family and closest friends are spread out over 3 continents, and sometimes when I remember it feels as though I have been hit with that wave. Whenever I miss them, I go for a long walk on the beach and the connection to home is what brings me inner peace.

The sea air fills my lungs and takes me back to those summer days spent on the beach with our Morey Boogie Boards, my Black Widow paddle ski, Duran Duran and midnight movies. Picnics on the beach, tanning with baby oil and vinegar and being connected.

I hear laughter and I am transported back to my mothers home, my sisters, mother, aunt, brother, best friend all having tea, or enjoying another marvelous meal my mother prepared, sharing stories, laughing, and me never failing to remind my younger sister that she is adopted. The room is filled with peace and love.

Somedays when I walk along the beach I see people flying kites and I watch as they gently glide them through the air, the wind guiding, dipping, twisting and turning, absolute serenity and I am mesmerized. When practicing mindfulness this is where I go when my head goes dark.

Through this journey I have learned that when you are at one with the universe and what is before you, that is when your own personal circle is complete and that is what should matter.

24 Years Ago.

Dr. Donna Johnson and T.

Previously I had written a blogpost about spending more time focusing on reaching out to the people who made a difference in my life and let them know, rather than focus on what I considered the pity portion pig swill of my brain. I was recently going through photographs of T when he was first born and I was thinking about my OB/Gyn, Dr. Donna Johnson and what a true life saver, in every sense of the word, she was to me and to T.

It was in the middle of February 1992, 25 weeks pregnant, husband (T-ex) was in the Persian Gulf, I was a young Navy wife alone in San Diego and one afternoon I started having contractions. I thought these were the Braxton Hicks contractions that everyone spoke of so I called my Doctor, he suggested I go to the hospital. I called a friend to take me to Alvarado hospital, but it wasn't any urgency. I took a shower and about a half hour later we left. By the time we got to the hospital my contractions were a little more intense and the nurses just slightly worried.  I was dilating and was quickly hooked up to an awful IV cocktail which would become a semi-permanent attachment to whatever vein would co-operate for many weeks to follow. T-ex was in the Navy and my pregnancy care was through Balboa hospital, but because I was now in preterm labor and at risk I was transferred to the care of Dr. Donna Johnson.

When I met Dr. Johnson I was a mess. I wasn't clear on what was going on, my family lived on another continent and T-ex was in the Persian Gulf. I was a little overwhelmed and I was hooked up to this IV cocktail medication that made me feel awful. Dr. Johnson sat on my bed, held my hand and in her beautiful southern accent let me know what was going on and what the game plan was. She answered all my questions, never once looking at her watch or rushing through the conversation. I asked her to please try and get a hold of the Red Cross to get a message to the ship to let T-ex know. The saga of the Red Cross debacle will be kept for my book, but I have to share that they did ask Dr. Johnson that instead of flying T-ex home would me just speaking to him get the contractions to stop. The Navy flew T-ex back to the States and the men on the ship took up a collection to purchase an airline ticket to get him to San Diego.

My stay in the hospital was so long that the nurses would move me to different rooms for a different view. Dr. Johnson was in contact with me all the time. Late at night Dr. Johnson would come into my room with the ultra sound machine declaring "Let's see how your boy is doing today." I don't know if this was of the norm, but Dr. Johnson did this often and it gave me hope. Every time I heard T's heart beat and saw him moving I knew that however much I despised that IV, having blood drawn so often that my arms were the topic of a few interesting conversations, how much I despised being in that hospital bed, that this little person was worth all of it. There were evenings that Dr. Johnson would just stop in and visit, no matter what day of the week. Those visits kept me sane.

4 lbs, 9 ozs - 18 inches

At 36 weeks, 22 April 1992 I was allowed to go home. No more IV's, horrible meds and blood draws. I was elated and I remember Dr. Johnson saying "We will probably end up inducing you at 40 weeks." We left the hospital at 11:00am. It was wonderful to be home, walking was a little challenging, but it was so great to be up and about.  At 4:00pm I went into labor and it was back to the hospital. After 12 hours of labor at 4:19am, 23 April 1992, T was born - and the Landers earthquake aka Joshua Tree foreshocks began.

I believe that my guardian angels decided that February day in 1992 that if I was going to go through this hell, I was going to need my very own earthly angel to make sure I got through it. Sometimes saying thank you feels so inadequate or just not enough because when I look at T I know that he wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the care, tenacity, compassion, kindness and southern attitude of Dr. Johnson. After all these years I am once again in contact with Dr. Johnson and I am hoping that someday soon T and I will make it to South Carolina so that T can finally meet the Doctor that he has always heard so much about, the Doctor that saved his life.

So tiny.

T's NICU nurse

My miracle boy

Supermoon

South Beach, Oregon

Today was the total eclipse of the supermoon, 1982 was the last time it occurred and I don't remember it (those teenage years where the world revolved around me) and the next time this is to happen is in 2033.

It is at times like this that I lovingly refer to as "creating memories moments" to which much eye rolling and bitching from Trevor ensues. None the less he drove around with me as we searched for the moon.

Our first stop was our favorite spot to take a picture of the sunset and as always it never fails to make me stop, breathe and let the peace and calm sweep over me.

We then waited for the darkness to blanket the skies and then drove around to find the best place to view the moon. While I love the trees in front of our home, they blocked our view of this great event.

We finally found the perfect spot and seeing the blood red moon was truly breathtaking. I attempted to take a picture and realized that I could never capture anything so I put my phone away and just took it all in.

As I was looking at the moon I realized that there were so many people in my life that I love and care for that were looking up at the same moon and at that time I have never felt more of a connection, loved and completely at peace.

Music. Food for the Soul.

Adam Jackson 

Growing up in South Africa my parents involved us from a very early age in the theatre and arts. I remember going to plays with my parents and then performing in plays. The first play I performed in was Oliver Twist, but my most favorite play I performed in was The Wind in the Willows.  As all good children do I played the piano and the recorder and those long afternoons of practicing and dear Sister Helen 'tapping' my knuckles with a thin cane should I dare to make an error.

In high school I stopped playing the piano, but my love for all things musical never dwindled. I spent many weekend evenings at the symphony, the opera and the ballet. Seeing the Bolshoi Ballet, The Royal Ballet and the New York City Ballet perform was absolutely breathtaking. No matter what event I attended my cheeks were always damp from the tears. (Except for the opera The Flying Dutchman, that is one very long, loud, boring opera)

Since moving to America and becoming a wife and mother, I stopped attending any of these events. Expense being one reason another that my spouse at the time did not hold the same fascination I did and so I gave that up and in a sense lost a little part of me.

This past week at the hotel there was a music festival. The list of performers was very impressive. I had heard that a young boy, Adam Jackson, was going to be performing and was able to watch him perform for a very select audience. When he first started to play I was transported back in time. As I watched his fingers lightly dance over the keys I was mesmerized. The part of me that I thought I had lost came alive again.

As I wiped my damp cheeks I remembered a great quote from Berthold Auerbach, "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."

I couldn't agreed more.

Thank You Al Gore for my Friends.

I remember when we first got dial up and how much excitement there was that we could connect to things and other people so quickly. The tone, the connection, the wait. Pandora's box had been opened and there was no going back.

It was through the internet in 1999 that I met my first online friends, Heidi and Renee. We all belonged to a South African chat forum and the three of us fast became friends, the three musketeers, the terrible trio. Together we have dealt with death, divorce, Hurricane Katrina, moves across country, graduations, weddings of children and so much more. In the 16 years we have known each other we have only physically met once. In 2012 Heidi decided that we were going to road trip to Napa and when Heidi puts her mind to something, nothing can change it, you all just nod, say yes and show up. Meeting Heidi and Renee for the very first time was very emotional. If there was a bond of friendship before, our meeting only solidified it.

November 2, 2009 I decided to enter the world of blogging, mainly as a creative online medium for my rants and thoughts. One of my very first followers, and blogs that I in turn followed, was a blog written by Brooke. Her husband was in the military and she had two little girls. The ultimate military wife. We would post comments on each others blogs and engage in small talk. Then along came Twitter and it was discovered that we both had a mutual friend in common. Life happened and Brooke and her two adorable girls moved back to Oregon. The very first time I met Brooke was a sleepover at my home. Do I need to say anymore? Brooke is my bestie, my go to person when I need an adjustment, a compassionate, but very level headed individual who brings calm to my life. Plus she likes loves wine.

Without Twitter and the internet I would never have met the fabulous Kramer crew and the wonderful world of their wine and sparkles. One tweet about having a sparkle party and I turned into that stray cat that one knows you shouldn't feed, but do. The Kramer crew would have to go into witness protection to get rid of me. Beyond blessed.

My Fuck It list includes meeting the following amazing people I have met via the internet and had interactions via Skype and on the phone, but yet to meet in person. I am blessed to know these very wise individuals who probably tolerate my neediness, but with kindness have never made me feel as though I was that needy person.

Mitchell from Mitchell is Moving
Linda from The Good, The Bad, The Worse
Megan - The Navy wife in Japan who no longer blogs, but is on FB and is just like me.
Alex from the very hot Arizona area. My biggest cheerleader.

So to Al Gore I wish to say thank you for bringing these wonderful people into my life. What would I have done without the internet? Probably found another way to stalk people I guess.

Do You Have a List?

Beautiful Newport, Oregon

I am sure everyone knows what a Bucket List is, but in case you have lived under a rock I will attempt to explain what a Bucket List is with minimal sarcasm.

A few years ago there was a movie and this person wrote a list of everything he wanted to do before he died, so he wrote a list. He did what was on the list. He died.

I never have put together a list and driving home from work yesterday I was thinking of one. I thought of what I would add to my list and as the list grew I knew that it was unattainable without funds. I thought about those Facebook bucket list posts of 'being at the Taj Mahal at sunset with my soul mate' which immediately had me mentally stabbing said person. In the eye. With my pen.

This year I turned 49 and as 50 looms I am thinking of ways to celebrate. In Nubian fashion the celebration will encompass the entire year and not only with family and friends, but by myself, exploring and reflecting.

So instead of a Bucket List I have come up with the Fuck It List. The Fuck It List is short because come hell or high water I will achieve what is on the list. It may not be anything exotic and it definitely won't be the Taj Mahal at sunset with my soul mate, but it will be meaningful to me, which as we all know is all that matters.

That's Not My Job.

I have been at my new job since the 19th May and intensely busy would be the only words I have to describe how it has been and that would also be because my brain is on overload so words don't come easy right now. I am almost at that point of being found sitting in a corner, drooling and rocking back and forth.

I have been given six hotels to manage and five of them are migraine inducing with a total of roughly about 170 staff members all having their way of doing things and not without many complaints.  There was a day that I had to hide in my hotel room so that I could get reports done and just try and regroup.

In doing an assessment of what level everyone is at, I have been surprised (I really should not be) at how many staff members have thrown each other under the bus. One of the phrases I have heard the most these past three weeks is "That's not my job." I think I need to turn it into a drinking game, but becoming an alcoholic is not something I plan on being any time soon.

I have dealt with disgruntled employees, unhappy guests because you were unable to move heaven and earth for them, water pipes bursting, staff members smoking pot on their breaks because in Colorado it is legal so they feel they can, swimming pools that won't co-operate and General Managers leaving property and their staff at peak busy times.

The one shining light is that one of the hotels I have would be the hotel I helped with last year - the hotel where the staff fondly named me Ninja Bitch. I 'm now known as Boomerang Bitch. I love having Zac back on my team and he has been wonderful in helping me with pool, heaters, network printers and security camera issues. His hotel is two hours north of where I currently am so I have bribed him with food and beer.

I have found a way to escape the craziness. When it all gets too overwhelming I go to the hotel kitchen and start washing the dishes from either a banquet or the restaurant. At that point I am the highest paid dishwasher the company has. This mindless, soothing, job is what helps me escape and in my mind seeing dirty dishes become clean gives me a huge sense of accomplishment.

There is so much to be done and I know that I can do the job, I just need to tackle one little piece at a time and there have been a few days where I will have an employee in my office asking for something to be done and just for once I would love to say "That's not my job."

Affirmation.

Thank you Elisa for my beautiful affirmation bangle. 

While living in Corvallis I attended a local art fair and discovered Saucy Jewelry. I was leaving the following week to visit friends in England and I found an affirmation bangle for my friend Lisa which said "She thought she could so she did." Lisa was going through a tough time and I wanted her to have something that she could look at everyday and keep her motivated and moving forward.

There wasn't any phrase that Elisa had that really stuck out for me, so I didn't buy an affirmation bangle for myself at that time.

These past few months have been a tough one for me and it has been a huge learning curve for me not only about people, but mostly about myself. A few weeks ago I was reading a book on codependency as I was trying to figure out why did I think that it was okay to allow people to treat me in a less than favorable manner.

I post daily affirmations on my G+ account and was trying to find something one day on codependency. When I pulled up the images the first one that popped up was "Examine what you tolerate." This was profound. I sat staring at the screen for a while and just let those four words sink in. "Examine what you tolerate."

I have thought about those four words every day since discovering them and then that light above my head moment happened and I knew I finally had the words for my affirmation bangle. I contacted Elisa at the beginning of this week and yesterday when I got back to the condo a package was waiting for me. My bangle was here.

There are some that may think it silly to rely on an object to keep one moving forward, but at this point of my life and learning that it's okay to be me, I really don't care what people think. What matters is me and my inner peace and calm and when the next person that treats me in that unfavorable manner I will look down at my wrist and glance upon the words on my bangle and then slowly walk away.




Please visit Elisa at Saucy Jewelry and see all the wonderful pieces she makes. Click on the link here.

Birthday Blessings.

Today is my birthday and my day could not have started any better when I received this video.

My cousin's adorable little children just melt my heart every time I am with them. Prima means cousin in Portuguese although Daniela pronounces it as Bama.

My email inbox started filling up with the most amazing letters from family and friends. These were not just your ordinary birthday wishes, but letters telling me what a difference I have made in their lives and what I mean to them.  Every single one had me in tears. A dear friend even wrote an entire blog post just to me with wine being the common bond and theme. Another friend wrote a list of things of what him and his wife love about me and this one had me laughing out loud. "Hilarious, with a wit so sharp and dry it will cut you and make your face pucker." 

I also received cards and gifts each one with a mini thesis attached. I have to say that the most incredible email I did receive today was from T. You all know how I hate the term, 'I am blessed', but in this case I have to say it. As a parent you know you have done something right when your child writes you more than a one paragraph letter.

There were three letters/emails that really touched me as these were from people I have known for a long time, but have never met in real life. To know what my friendship means to them, just makes me feel incredibly humble.

My cousin aka as Gorgeous had planned on us all going out for dinner, but the dreaded blizzard has hit New England and we have decided to wait until this all clears. So in true Princess fashion I get to celebrate my birthday longer.

To everyone one of you that reached out today with letters, emails, phone calls and Skype calls, thank you for making my 48th birthday one to remember.

I really am blessed.

My beautiful flowers from my cousin BoozaBell

Blogging Blessings.

Blogging Besties

In 2010 I started following a blogger Mrs. Small Soldiers aka Brooke. We would read each others blogs and comment and a friendship was soon in the making. Brooke was originally from Oregon so we had lots to talk about and her husband was deployed and with my ex Navy husband I fully understood that time apart and angst.

In 2012 Brooke and her two small soldiers make the trek back to Oregon to begin a new chapter in their storybook and it was our opportunity to finally meet. The husband was away either counting woodpeckers, snails or whales, I forget, so it was a great time to have a girls sleepover. Brooke brought wine. I fell in love.

Brooke is one of those girlfriends you know will always be at your side no matter the storm. Brooke is one of my blessings that I give thanks for daily. I recently saw this friendship quote on Pinterest and it reminded me of Brooke.

Source

Who knew that when I started blogging years ago I would come across another amazing woman to add to my circle of cheerleaders. Sometimes you never know where that curve in the road is going to take you and who you will end up meeting.

Blessed. Loved. Grateful.

Begin by opening your eyes.

My cousin's friend, Mel, posted a video on her blog last week. It was titled 'Gratitude'. I met Mel the first time I visited New England and I swear if you cut open a vein she would bleed glitter and rainbows. Mel has to be one of the most positive people I have ever met and she really is just wow factor and when she smiles you can't help but smile right along with her no matter what your mood is. Mel has a wonderful blog My Melmoirs go read it and you'll see, this woman is all glitter and rainbows.

This video is pretty powerful and the most powerful line to me was "Begin by opening your eyes because you have eyes to open." I hope you get something out of this video today.

May the storm inside you subside so you can see the beauty before you. May your blessings today be abundant. Begin by opening your eyes.

The Unexpected Text.

Oregon Coast

This morning after an intense yoga meditation session I received a text message from a very, dear friend. I don't hear from this person very often. He truly is one of the most genuine people I know so when I received the following text I burst into tears.

You have been an enrichment in my life Nubian, my friend and sister. 

There is no gift or bouquet of flowers that could ever compare to the power of a kind word. It costs nothing and the value is immeasurable. It is a text, along with a few others, that is now locked on my phone that I will read when the world around me seems a little darker. 

New England Afternoon Walk.

I have always found Fall to be so incredibly beautiful and mystical. Fall has a peace about it, a sense of calm where everything just seems to wind down, where the earth and all of us get a chance to catch up, regroup, refocus and replenish. Every state I have lived in offers an equally impressive Fall show and New England hasn't disappointed. Last weekend I bundled myself up and went on a 5 mile walk and took a few pictures along the way. 

Every home I see I would love to buy.

Reminds me of Oregon

I want this mail box.

Attempting to be artistic.

Another home I could see myself living in.

Moxie and Tequila would love running around this yard.

Pumpkin and Apple stand

Even outside the smell of the apples was intense.

I love this time of year. 

Poor pumpkin

Local apples and very, very good.

They make an amazing Apple, Walnut, Caramel Pie

Metal work in the front of a home

Sticker on the metal work. Love it.

A glimpse down the driveway of my East Coast happy place.

One of Three Scenarios.

The Benz

Today I went to Offut Air Force Base to do some on base tax free shopping. The last time I was on an Air Force Base is when Bear was still on active duty. So it has been a few years.

My dear friend Ryan has given me the Benz to drive and the Princess ain't complaining. Ry's license place says WRKDHRD and I can attest to that fact. Yes he has an incredible home and cars, but he worked damn hard and is totally deserving of it all.

As I pulled into a parking space I noticed an Air Force Pilot looking at the car. When I got out and started walking to the Exchange the Air Force Pilot fell into step with me and the following conversation took place:

AFP: I must ask you about your license place "Worked Hard" what do you do?

Me: Oh no this car belongs to a good friend who is VP of Operations for a group of hotels, I am borrowing his car as I help him with the rebranding of a hotel.

AFP: That is a great license plate, may I ask where this hotel is?

Me: It is in Lincoln.

AFP: Do you live in Omaha?

Me: No I live in Oregon.

AFP: So what is your affiliation to the Air Force?

Me: My husband is retired Air Force

AFP: Oh, you're married?

Me: Yes I am.

AFP: Oh well, great car.

So here are the three scenarios:

1.  I've still got it.

2.  Air Force Pilots are still players.

3.  It was the Benz.

I think Ry would choose option #3.

I, however, am going with option #1. Yep, still got it.

No Regrets.

Uncle M. ~ Dad ~ Uncle L.

My mother called me before I came out to Nebraska to let me know that my dear Uncle L was in the hospital. I called the hospital and after being hung up on five times, I finally got to speak to him. He sounded very weak, but was happy to hear from me.  My Uncle passed away this past week. My last words to my Uncle and his to me were "I love you".

After my father's death I made a promise to myself that I would always tell everyone in my life how much they mean to me and I end the conversation or departure with I love you. Christmas 2001 I was married to the ex and I had asked him if I could call my father on Christmas day. The call would be international. At that time we did not have Skype and calls internationally were very expensive. My ex responded no and that I could wait until New Years Day. New Years Eve 2001 my father was kidnapped and murdered. I never got to tell him that I loved him. Whenever I think back on that day the regret sometimes overwhelms me and the guilt in not standing my ground is yet again a sucker punch to the gut. Yes I know that my father knew I loved him, but I didn't get to say it one last time. My cousins all got to say goodbye to my Uncle and they were with him when he passed. We didn't get the opportunity.

No one likes to think about death and that there is always tomorrow, but what if there wasn't and those closest to you were no longer here?  Did they know how much they meant to you?

Would you have any regrets?

Corn Country.

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A few months ago my friend R, who is Vice President of Operations for a Hotel Management company, called me and told me about a hotel they were going to take over. The hotel was going into foreclosure status and the bank had asked their company to rebrand and get it back in shape. R asked me if I would be interested in helping. I thought it would be fun, an adventure and exciting. Well I wasn't far off.

R emailed me pictures of the hotel and I immediately responded that I thought I had a couple of root canals scheduled over that time period. The pictures were overwhelming. I arrived in Omaha the 4th July and was at work on the 5th. The first week was insane. We have dealt with an alcoholic who walked sideways and fell all over the place. A guest missing presumed dead. A sleep walking tweaker who was found in another guest bedroom. A husband who punched his wife in the face. A staff member who walked out on her shift as she didn't approve of the schedule I had written up and my personal favorite the maintenance person who had a couple of beers with his lunch as he didn't know he couldn't drink while on the job. After working a 12 hour shift I turned to R and said "Okay, where are the cameras because this isn't real, it can't be real."

I have had many WTF moments and there have been days were I wanted to just give up, but R has kept me laughing and giving me the Benz to drive has been a definite plus. We are now staffed and I think we have a great team in place. Everyday is like Christmas as we receive more packages from corporate to bring the hotel back up to brand standard. When the housekeepers received new vacuums I thought they were going to cry. At the end of every work day I look back at the lobby and I can see what we have accomplished.

We have a long way to go, but seeing things progress helps me deal a little bit better with crab walking drunks.