Thursday, August 26, 2010

I want to be Miss. Marple when I grow up.

Growing up I loved reading the "Famous Five" and "The Secret Seven" mysteries by Enid Blyton.  I always wished that I lived in England and went on sleuthing trips with these incredibly independent kids.  Reading these books led me to my great love of murder mysteries. 

I love a good murder mystery.  There is no better mystery writer than Agatha Christie and I think I would make an excellent Miss. Marple when I grow up.  Margaret Rutherford was the original Miss. Marple and I think I bear a close resemblance, especially in this picture because she is about to bitch slap the hell out of someone. 

I have the urge to yell, "She did it in the conservatory with the candlestick while eating mustard" or killing Mr. Mustard, I forget.

I want to be the new Miss. Marple, the one that exposes the cheating spouse, the lying blogger and politicians.

Why you may ask? 

Easy, it shouldn't be a mystery at all.

Monday, August 23, 2010

The reason I don't exercise.

In the 80's my sister and I were Jane Fonda exercise groupies.  Every day we would religiously put on the footless tights, leg warmers, reebok shoes, leotard (with the belt) and mandatory head and wrist bands.

We would clear out our spot in front of the TV and get ready to feel the burn.  We would warm up, then jump, lunge and do the borderline pornographic hip thrusts.

We would lose inches and tone, but never could get the Jane look.

Fast forward to present day.  I received a phone call from my sister and this is how it went.

Wise Sister:   Do you remember how frustrated we would get when doing the Jane Fonda workout?

Me:  Yup, we felt the burn, but still had the buns.

Wise Sister:  Well I just read an article and guess what, the BITCH was bulimic!!

And there you have it, that is the reason I do not exercise.

Monday, August 16, 2010

They said what?!?

Why is it that when a person has experienced a traumatic event in their life people decide to say the most stupid things.

When my father was murdered I was told by one person at my father's funeral,  that his death was God's will.  Really, God was okay with this?  I know I tried to move my hand to give the very well deserved bitch slap, but the Valium and Whiskey had kicked in and my dearest cousin from Australia guided me away from this person, they should send him a gift.

This rant is not about the things people said to me, but by what people are saying to a Mom as she tries to understand the senseless death of her son.

Today she posted on her blog that the investigation is moving along and that she hoped that no one thought she had given up.  She was respecting the space of the detectives so that they could find who had beaten her 18 year old son.

Quick side note:  Her son was addicted to Heroin, BUT it gave no one the right to take his life.

One person posted the following:

"Most kids addicted to drugs, banned from family, without any other support end up selling themselves and drugs to sustain themselves."

Seriously!!!!!!  And this makes this Mom feel better how??? 

This was the next comment:

"Given the complexity of the injury, it seems very unlikely that the damage caused by physical battery can ever be separated from damage caused by substance use. Even a civil suit would be an extreme long shot, and your investment (both financial and emotional) would be at a tremendous price. You need to think of all members of your family when you make this decision."

Oh I see, so because he was addicted to drugs he deserved to be beaten so violently that it resulted in his death a month later?  So help me understand,  people who are addicted to drugs/porn/alcohol/gambling/cigarettes are not worthy of justice?

I wonder what another word for pious would be?  I have a few choice words running through my brain, but will leave that up to your imagination as to what they would be. 

There is a time and a place for reality, just not this time.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Serene Sunday

Today my husband and I decided to tour four wineries.  These were chosen at random.  The great thing about our Serene Sunday's is that we are discovering places to take our friends/family that is when they finally decide to visit us! 

Our first stop was Eola Hills Winery.  This place was bustling.  They do Sunday Brunch, but you have to make reservations so we plan on doing that for another Serene Sunday.  All I could think of was how my friend in Colorado would love the biking theme and how the girls would love to sit outside having brunch, drinking wine and catching up.  They also have a great gift shop!

Our next stop was Firesteed winery.  I am not fond of Rose wine, but fell in love with theirs.  We were also shown the new Riedel wine glasses especially made for Oregon Pinot Noir.  (Click on Riedel and learn why these are the only wine glasses to have in your collection.)

The new Oregon Pinot Noir Riedel wine glasses.

Stop Number 3 was Johan Vineyards.  Their Pinot Noir is my all time favorite.  I must remember for future wine trips that the third winery is where hubby stops looking at the cost of the wine.  He only realized later that one bottle of Pinot was $47.00 (converting for my international friends ZAR439.00 ~ AUD67 or GBP38)

Our final stop was Left Coast Winery and we were very thankful that they served lunch.  Wine tasting was starting to kick my ass.


Hope your Sunday was just as serene.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Take time Tuesday

  • finally complete that project that you have been working on
  • mail a postcard to a friend saying "Wish you were here"
  • pick up the phone and call someone you haven't spoken to in a while
  • count your blessings instead of your dollars
  • this evening go for a long walk
  • sign up today for the National Marrow Donor Program
  • let someone know what a difference they have made in your life

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Serene Sunday

Today my husband and I decided to go out and explore our new county.  I found The Thyme Garden in my PPP brochure and with camera and coffee situated we ventured out to Alsea.

The brochure describes it as the following.  "The Thyme Garden is a family owned farm hidden in the magical coast range mountain of Oregon.   The Thyme Garden continues to evolve and grow with every season.  All the seeds and plants grown are grown free of pesticides, herbicides and commercial fertilizers." 


As we walked through all the gardens we finally came across this pond.  For today, this was the most serene place to be. 

When you come visit Oregon make sure that The Thyme Garden is on your sightseeing list.  You won't be disappointed.  


According to the First Amendment in America you have the right to practice or not practice any religion. 

Currently there are many Americans who are vehemently opposing the building of a Mosque near the site of the World Trade Towers.  I have been watching the news and it sickens me to see people with their hateful signs and hateful words.  Freedom of speech is not hate speech.

After 9/11 all believers of Islam have been thrown into the same radical ring.  Funny how after the Oklahoma City bombings Catholics were not ostracized as Timothy McVeigh was Catholic.

There is such an arrogance amongst many that if someone does not believe in their God or their way of life then they are wrong.  We need to start educating ourselves on other religions and cultures and embrace the differences. 

I think that once we do that we will see that we are not that different after all.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Take 5

This morning I was surfing the blog world and came across this blog, Mamapundit.  As a parent it will rip open your heart and the tears will flow after the first sentence.  (okay it did for me).  Katie, the mother, lost her son 1 June 2010 to addiction.  He was 18. 

I then found another blog that she had written at Babble and this post made me realize that all parents have the same fears and guilt, no matter what the scale may be.

As parents (well some of us) do the best that we can.  I am the poster Mom for being a Helicopter parent, has it hurt T, who knows maybe the whole journal on wine corks will have some impact, but I think I did okay.  For many years I was a single mom even though I was married at the time, the ex was a 'functioning' alcoholic and I did the whole shelter, hide, pretend thing for 13 years.  (side note: you do realize that our kids are much smarter than we give them credit).

I read blogs about all these parents doing these great things with their kids and I reflect on the journal entry T made when he was in 5th Grade about how I was always on the computer checking emails etc and too busy to play with him.  Talk about the dagger and a case of salt in the wound!  I look at all the things my friends do with their kids and I have no excuse as to why I wasn't supermom, I tried and my wonder outfit was more in line with a Mumu than sparkle and flash.

After reading Katie's blog I called my husband, after having to take a few breaks for the tissues, I was finally able to tell him about the blog.  As a parent you pray, hope, negotiate, accept, bribe, threaten your way through the first 18 years and then when they leave you sit beating yourself up about things that maybe you didn't say. I know that for the past six years I could not have made it through without the guidance and compassion of my husband AND his incredible thoughtfulness in constantly keeping the wine cellar very well stocked.

Everyday when I dropped T off at school I would say "Make good decisions" and he would do the courtesy grunt and eye roll.  We never have sat down and had the deep talk about life, maybe it is because I wasn't in the form of an avatar and destroying some realm that any life conversations only lasted a few minutes.

Please go read Katie's blog, both of them and then take 5.  My heart aches for her loss, but her story has made me think. 

I don't know why, but I feel the need to end this post off with the wise words of my mother.  "Be very careful what you say about other people's children when your corn is still green."

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Conversations with T

In the United States when a boy turns 18 he has to sign up on the Selective Service System.  In a nutshell it means that in event of a war they will bear arms for the United States.  (I know someone is going to correct me on my summary, but that is the version for Dummies)

On T's 18th Birthday I went online and signed him up ~ this is how the conversation went.

Me:  Hey T I just went online and signed you up on the Selective Service System.

T:  Great Mom! (insert sarcasm) Now what happens if a war breaks out tomorrow?

Me: Uh, where have YOU been? (insert heavy, heavy sarcasm)

This has been another Piss-Poor-Parenting moment brought to you by Mojito with a double shot of rum.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

A half assed welcome is better than none at all.

A week ago I requested a relocation package from the local Chamber of Commerce.  I received my package last week and was so mortified I was speechless.  Mailing out a relocation package should not require much thought, but attention to detail is a must.  As I looked at the package my thought was "I can't wait to share this with my friend T, the melody of choice words she will manage to string together will be music to my hospitality hardened ears."

Problem #1:
Firstly let us start with the letter.  The letter is a photocopy and a poor one at that.  On the left is a list of all their Platinum Members.  I noticed that only one Real Estate Company was a P~Member, but on the envelope a person had placed a large sticker from a competing Real Estate Company.  If I was the P~Member I would be just a tad bit ticked, okay if it was me 'tad' would not be the word.

Problem #2:
A guide for cyclists was in my PPP (piss-poor-package) as in Oregon everyone loves to cycle.  The clue that it was a guide for cyclists is that there is a picture of a woman on a bike and the word "Ciclista" in the title.  Yes, my friends, this guide is in Spanish.  (T are the words starting to flow in your head yet?)

Problem #3:
The Business Guide is from 2009 and all the local events have passed.  There was a note in the book to call or go online to see an updated list.  (vision fading, black and red clouds waft before my eyes)

Problem #4:
Restaurant Guide is from Fall 2009 and some of the restaurants have since closed.  While I understand that currently all companies are trying to trim their marketing budgets, don't you think they would know how many brochures etc to print?  The word 'tracking' comes to mind, but then again not all were trained by the incredible Ms. Lois!

Problem #5:
Brochure on joining the team at the local hospital.  Wait, did the art/cure of bitch slapping now earn a PhD, if that is the case then all future correspondence to me shall be titled Dr. Nubian.

Not a problem:
Brochure on all the wineries in the Willamette Valley ~ this makes up for all the above.  Although we have discovered a few, there were some sneaky little wineries out there that escaped our beady-blood-shot eyes.

Back to the PPP.  What would you do?  Would you call and volunteer your services to put together kick-ass relo packets or would you just sit back and wait for the first person to complain about business and the local Chamber?

My solution, have Ms. T come on over and train them about marketing and sales. I guarantee those future packets will be amazing and Ms. T and I will be giggling through the vineyards commenting on how easy it was to earn our PhD.