Sunday, August 1, 2010

A half assed welcome is better than none at all.

A week ago I requested a relocation package from the local Chamber of Commerce.  I received my package last week and was so mortified I was speechless.  Mailing out a relocation package should not require much thought, but attention to detail is a must.  As I looked at the package my thought was "I can't wait to share this with my friend T, the melody of choice words she will manage to string together will be music to my hospitality hardened ears."

Problem #1:
Firstly let us start with the letter.  The letter is a photocopy and a poor one at that.  On the left is a list of all their Platinum Members.  I noticed that only one Real Estate Company was a P~Member, but on the envelope a person had placed a large sticker from a competing Real Estate Company.  If I was the P~Member I would be just a tad bit ticked, okay if it was me 'tad' would not be the word.

Problem #2:
A guide for cyclists was in my PPP (piss-poor-package) as in Oregon everyone loves to cycle.  The clue that it was a guide for cyclists is that there is a picture of a woman on a bike and the word "Ciclista" in the title.  Yes, my friends, this guide is in Spanish.  (T are the words starting to flow in your head yet?)

Problem #3:
The Business Guide is from 2009 and all the local events have passed.  There was a note in the book to call or go online to see an updated list.  (vision fading, black and red clouds waft before my eyes)

Problem #4:
Restaurant Guide is from Fall 2009 and some of the restaurants have since closed.  While I understand that currently all companies are trying to trim their marketing budgets, don't you think they would know how many brochures etc to print?  The word 'tracking' comes to mind, but then again not all were trained by the incredible Ms. Lois!

Problem #5:
Brochure on joining the team at the local hospital.  Wait, did the art/cure of bitch slapping now earn a PhD, if that is the case then all future correspondence to me shall be titled Dr. Nubian.

Not a problem:
Brochure on all the wineries in the Willamette Valley ~ this makes up for all the above.  Although we have discovered a few, there were some sneaky little wineries out there that escaped our beady-blood-shot eyes.

Back to the PPP.  What would you do?  Would you call and volunteer your services to put together kick-ass relo packets or would you just sit back and wait for the first person to complain about business and the local Chamber?

My solution, have Ms. T come on over and train them about marketing and sales. I guarantee those future packets will be amazing and Ms. T and I will be giggling through the vineyards commenting on how easy it was to earn our PhD.


  1. It sounds like you could do a pretty good job in training them How to .... yourself my dear ! Go for it !

  2. The Williamette Valley... I think I might have been there before.

  3. Oh! Can't believe they still have the 2009 guides. And that's a great solution to the problem!

  4. this sounds like something mailed from my past life...maybe Mr R is moonlighting and gave some guidance on how to provide totally worthless info

  5. Ahhh, good ol' Corvallis. They forgot to mention that the level of "expectations" around here is pretty minimal. Then again there was a campaign for a time that actually discouraged people to move/live here. Perhaps this packet was left over from that brilliant marketing strategy. ;)


Comment Love.