Sunday, February 27, 2011

And the award goes to...

... Nubian for having a Netflix DVD out the longest.

'Kingdom of the Blue Whale' received 01/04/2011 - in the mailbox to be returned 02/27/2011

(Netflix should seriously send me an award, they love procrastinators like myself.  A few cases of wine should suffice.)

Friday, February 25, 2011

Government Conversations

This morning as I was updating myself on world/nation/local news, I was amazed to see what is going on and discovered there is a conspiracy afoot.  Here is my take on the behind closed door conversations.

Two men sitting at a table, large steak and potato dinner in front of them, glass of wine from another country, the expensive one.  Room is dimly lit, cigar smoke lingers in the air, men only.

Senator Jack Wagon:  I am a little concerned right now with this whole Wisconsin thing.  The people are paying attention to what we are trying to do and I am not liking the outcome.

Senator Arthur Asswipe:  I am a little worried myself.  We are slowly inching our way backwards on woman's rights and we snuck that little bill by that it is okay for international corporations to back us in elections and at that time everyone was worried about Obama's birth certificate, but now the natives are becoming restless.

Senator Jack Wagon:  HA you said natives.

Senator Arthur Asswipe:  We need a distraction.  I know Charlie Sheen just got his show canceled?

Senator Jack Wagon:  Well we don't want to be pointing any fingers related to hookers right now, you know that last incident...

Senator Arthur Asswipe:  Any Democrats on Craigs List?  Kardashians doing anything this week?  Hey Gadafi is spouting off some really good shit on America currently, how about we 'leak' some things to our Foxy Friends?

Senator Jack Wagon:  Brilliant plan there Arthur, I'll feed something to Conspiracy Sphincter and get him going.

Across town at the all you can eat buffet.

Lucy Lipton:  Hey Rose have you noticed that the Republicans are trying to balance the budget, but in doing so are going to hurt us the most?  I have been reading online and have started to do some research and there sure is some sneaky things afoot.

Ruby Rosetea:  I did some research today and you may be on to something there Lucy.  We need to call Conspiracy Sphincter and see if we can get an answer, because this gravy sure doesn't smell like gravy.

Pick up large cumbersome cell phone with the large buttons and dial the number to Conspiracy Sphincter's radio show.
Lucy Lipton:  Hi there Mr. Sphincter, long time listener, first time caller and my friend Ruby Rosetea, say hullo Ruby, were just sitting here thinking and have realized that all those tax cuts the Republicans want to do are going to hurt us the most, the retired people and pensioners!  This is an outrage, something must be done.  And Wisconsin, the unions, the people?

Conspiracy Sphincter:  Ladies, ladies, ladies, have you not been listening.  Have you seen the increase lately of Muslims in your neighborhood?

Lucy Lipton:  well no, but...

Conspiracy Sphincter:  You are not paying attention Ms. Lipton, you need to pay attention, Obama is slowly bringing in Muslims to create a US Muslim nation.  They are silently taking over and you are worried about your medicare and pension?  Gadafi will be brought to the US in a private plane, he will be kept in the back room until Obama is ready to have him take over.

Lucy Lipton:  Now that you mention it, our Motel 6 is owned by a man from India, it was like one day he was not there, the next he was.  Oh Mr. Sphincter you are so wonderful, why if I was young enough I would just tie you up and ...... (call is disconnected)

Back at the men's only club, Senators Wagon and Asswipe turn off the radio and clink their brandy glasses together, cigar ash spills onto the floor.

Senator Jack Wagon:  Crisis averted.  Now about that hooker?

(Names have been changed to protect the idiots) 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I am it, well after I threw a little pity party for myself.

I have noticed out there in the blog world everyone being tagged.  When As Vinny C's it  was tagged I wined (hee hee) a little about me not being in the loop so he graciously included me.  I won't be tagging anyone as per usual I am always late to the party and I think everyone has already been tagged.

So here are the questions that Vinny got from Nari's Life

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

Without a doubt they are members of our family.  Moxie (Border Collie Mix), Tequila (Chihuahua) and YumYum (Tonkinese ~ cat).  You judge for yourself by the picture how loved they are. (Stole the picture idea from Vinny)

2. If you can have a dream come true what would it be?

That my husband can be a part of the team that does whale DNA research with Dr. Scott Baker.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?

That people don't listen.  I am becoming less tolerable and are now giving people their sign and booting them out the door.  There is nothing worse than being ignored, or maybe it is because I am a Princess and demand to be listened to.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

I would donate most to whale research and the local wildlife rehabilitation center in our area.  I would buy us a modest home, take care of my family and friends and be comfortable.  After watching the show "Curse of the Lottery" it really does make you think.

5.What helps pull you out of a bad mood?

All together now .... WINE

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone.

Loving someone because in return they love you.  If they don't you just stalk them and wear them down.  (I know husband is grinning at that last statement)

7. What is your bedtime routine?

Normal ablutions, climb into bed with a book or currently the best Christmas gift I ever gave my husband, his Kindle.  (yup I am THAT smart)

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?

We met at a military conference that I planned in 1999.  Lost contact and reconnected in 2004.  Great story... but that is for another blog.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?

I would love to see my photographer friend D. and her husband in action as they create the most magical food magazine spreads.  Here is their link on Facebook ~ Shoot from the hip 

10. What kind of books do you read?

Murder mysteries, but the non-gory ones.  I tried to read Patricia Cornwell, but that bitch is just dark.  I think she needs more wine to lighten up.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

Traveling and watching my husband fulfill his dream.

12. What's your fear?

Snakes.  I have SEVERE ophidiophobia, it is stupidly severe.  My husband has to post note pages in National Geographic before I will read it.  

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for an opportunity to visit outer space?

I don't do well with flying.  You would think I would be used to it with all the traveling we do, but I seriously have to be drugged and drunked up before we fly.  Junk food?  Not a fan.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?

Having been on both sides of the fence, I prefer to be married with a lack of discretionary funds.  sidenote:  poor to me is destitute, I don't think many people have experienced true poverty.

15. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

Apart from the obvious... go downstairs and have coffee.  Husband takes care of the animals as I have no patience as they do perimeter sniff and patrol.

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner, what would it be?

I honestly cannot think of one thing.  I have been sitting here for about 3 minutes and cannot think of anything.  When I do I will blog about it okay? 

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

I love my name, not many of me around. 

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

Oh boy is this a question that sparks a fire in my belly.  There are those that can forgive and move on when a spouse has committed adultery, I am one of those that cannot.

19. If you could eat only one thing for the next six months, what would it be? 
Portuguese food and wine.   

Monday, February 21, 2011

Not that you need proof...

Remember how I went on a rant that people don't pay attention on Facebook?

Story in a nutshell ~ Wildlife game park in South Africa is asking people to choose from one of the seven names for the new baby boy rhino.

Here is their status update:

Game Park:  FINALLY here is the shortlist of the most popular name suggestions for the new baby rhino on this page as well as Africa Geographic and Jeff Corwin's page.  Please vote for your favorite name by commenting on this link.  The names are ~ Bindi, BonBon, Karma, Brandi, Ithemba (Hope), Bembi (Peace), Binx.

Dumb Frack: Jasmine

*opening bottle, removing cork with teeth, swigging from bottle*

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Far easier to just drink wine.

I always have such great ideas for my blog when I am away from the computer and then when I get to my computer and open up reader and read blogs like Brits in the USA I feel so white trash with my words. 

I am totally envious of the way the blogger I stalk  the blogger I follow, writes.

Maybe I should just stick to drinking wine, I am really, really good at that.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Things I have learned about Facebook

1.  People really don't pay attention to what they say on their page.

2.  People don't pay attention period!

3.  Hitting the IGNORE button brings out an evil laugh in me.

4.  If we were not friends in high school chances are we won't be friends now, but being persistent in sending friend requests does give you extra points.

4.  Facebook is the adult version of high school.

5.  Deleting and blocking people is so much more fun on Facebook than it is in real life, you get to verify that you are damn certain you want to delete them.

6.  Social etiquette no longer features.

7.  Waiting for the next networking site so I can move along and delete my page entirely.