Friday, February 25, 2011
This morning as I was updating myself on world/nation/local news, I was amazed to see what is going on and discovered there is a conspiracy afoot. Here is my take on the behind closed door conversations.
Two men sitting at a table, large steak and potato dinner in front of them, glass of wine from another country, the expensive one. Room is dimly lit, cigar smoke lingers in the air, men only.
Senator Jack Wagon: I am a little concerned right now with this whole Wisconsin thing. The people are paying attention to what we are trying to do and I am not liking the outcome.
Senator Arthur Asswipe: I am a little worried myself. We are slowly inching our way backwards on woman's rights and we snuck that little bill by that it is okay for international corporations to back us in elections and at that time everyone was worried about Obama's birth certificate, but now the natives are becoming restless.
Senator Jack Wagon: HA you said natives.
Senator Arthur Asswipe: We need a distraction. I know Charlie Sheen just got his show canceled?
Senator Jack Wagon: Well we don't want to be pointing any fingers related to hookers right now, you know that last incident...
Senator Arthur Asswipe: Any Democrats on Craigs List? Kardashians doing anything this week? Hey Gadafi is spouting off some really good shit on America currently, how about we 'leak' some things to our Foxy Friends?
Senator Jack Wagon: Brilliant plan there Arthur, I'll feed something to Conspiracy Sphincter and get him going.
Across town at the all you can eat buffet.
Lucy Lipton: Hey Rose have you noticed that the Republicans are trying to balance the budget, but in doing so are going to hurt us the most? I have been reading online and have started to do some research and there sure is some sneaky things afoot.
Ruby Rosetea: I did some research today and you may be on to something there Lucy. We need to call Conspiracy Sphincter and see if we can get an answer, because this gravy sure doesn't smell like gravy.
Pick up large cumbersome cell phone with the large buttons and dial the number to Conspiracy Sphincter's radio show.
Lucy Lipton: Hi there Mr. Sphincter, long time listener, first time caller and my friend Ruby Rosetea, say hullo Ruby, were just sitting here thinking and have realized that all those tax cuts the Republicans want to do are going to hurt us the most, the retired people and pensioners! This is an outrage, something must be done. And Wisconsin, the unions, the people?
Conspiracy Sphincter: Ladies, ladies, ladies, have you not been listening. Have you seen the increase lately of Muslims in your neighborhood?
Lucy Lipton: well no, but...
Conspiracy Sphincter: You are not paying attention Ms. Lipton, you need to pay attention, Obama is slowly bringing in Muslims to create a US Muslim nation. They are silently taking over and you are worried about your medicare and pension? Gadafi will be brought to the US in a private plane, he will be kept in the back room until Obama is ready to have him take over.
Lucy Lipton: Now that you mention it, our Motel 6 is owned by a man from India, it was like one day he was not there, the next he was. Oh Mr. Sphincter you are so wonderful, why if I was young enough I would just tie you up and ...... (call is disconnected)
Back at the men's only club, Senators Wagon and Asswipe turn off the radio and clink their brandy glasses together, cigar ash spills onto the floor.
Senator Jack Wagon: Crisis averted. Now about that hooker?
(Names have been changed to protect the idiots)