Friday, February 25, 2011

Government Conversations

This morning as I was updating myself on world/nation/local news, I was amazed to see what is going on and discovered there is a conspiracy afoot.  Here is my take on the behind closed door conversations.

Two men sitting at a table, large steak and potato dinner in front of them, glass of wine from another country, the expensive one.  Room is dimly lit, cigar smoke lingers in the air, men only.

Senator Jack Wagon:  I am a little concerned right now with this whole Wisconsin thing.  The people are paying attention to what we are trying to do and I am not liking the outcome.

Senator Arthur Asswipe:  I am a little worried myself.  We are slowly inching our way backwards on woman's rights and we snuck that little bill by that it is okay for international corporations to back us in elections and at that time everyone was worried about Obama's birth certificate, but now the natives are becoming restless.

Senator Jack Wagon:  HA you said natives.

Senator Arthur Asswipe:  We need a distraction.  I know Charlie Sheen just got his show canceled?

Senator Jack Wagon:  Well we don't want to be pointing any fingers related to hookers right now, you know that last incident...

Senator Arthur Asswipe:  Any Democrats on Craigs List?  Kardashians doing anything this week?  Hey Gadafi is spouting off some really good shit on America currently, how about we 'leak' some things to our Foxy Friends?

Senator Jack Wagon:  Brilliant plan there Arthur, I'll feed something to Conspiracy Sphincter and get him going.

Across town at the all you can eat buffet.

Lucy Lipton:  Hey Rose have you noticed that the Republicans are trying to balance the budget, but in doing so are going to hurt us the most?  I have been reading online and have started to do some research and there sure is some sneaky things afoot.

Ruby Rosetea:  I did some research today and you may be on to something there Lucy.  We need to call Conspiracy Sphincter and see if we can get an answer, because this gravy sure doesn't smell like gravy.

Pick up large cumbersome cell phone with the large buttons and dial the number to Conspiracy Sphincter's radio show.
Lucy Lipton:  Hi there Mr. Sphincter, long time listener, first time caller and my friend Ruby Rosetea, say hullo Ruby, were just sitting here thinking and have realized that all those tax cuts the Republicans want to do are going to hurt us the most, the retired people and pensioners!  This is an outrage, something must be done.  And Wisconsin, the unions, the people?

Conspiracy Sphincter:  Ladies, ladies, ladies, have you not been listening.  Have you seen the increase lately of Muslims in your neighborhood?

Lucy Lipton:  well no, but...

Conspiracy Sphincter:  You are not paying attention Ms. Lipton, you need to pay attention, Obama is slowly bringing in Muslims to create a US Muslim nation.  They are silently taking over and you are worried about your medicare and pension?  Gadafi will be brought to the US in a private plane, he will be kept in the back room until Obama is ready to have him take over.

Lucy Lipton:  Now that you mention it, our Motel 6 is owned by a man from India, it was like one day he was not there, the next he was.  Oh Mr. Sphincter you are so wonderful, why if I was young enough I would just tie you up and ...... (call is disconnected)

Back at the men's only club, Senators Wagon and Asswipe turn off the radio and clink their brandy glasses together, cigar ash spills onto the floor.

Senator Jack Wagon:  Crisis averted.  Now about that hooker?

(Names have been changed to protect the idiots) 


  1. What scares me the most is.. this is really happening. I do like the idea of the Wisconsin democrats hiding though. If we could get the republicans to hide along with them, all would be as it should be. The people running the country.

  2. @ KoC ~ at this point one can only BUT laugh.

  3. I'm from Wisconsin, and a teacher, so I'm proud of all the folks up there fighting off Walker's attempt to do an end around on collective bargaining.

    I just wish people had been smarter up there when they voted in all these Republicans, especially Walker.

  4. @ Tim ~ at least they can't take away the Superbowl! I hear you, so proud of those taking a stand in your home territory. When do they start throwing cheese at the Governor?

  5. You hit this one on the head. People are so easily caught up in superficial distractions like these. It's a game even the politician where I live play well.

  6. @ Vinny C ~ it seems though it is getting worse. Things are really in an awful states for the voters and environment currently.

  7. I'm not very cultured when it comes news and politics. I think I've explained that countless times with a Mark Twain quote. I also think this whole partisanship thing just further polarizes the country, which further distracts us from the gravity of the situation and non-partisan solutions (and don't worry, I'm not a socialist). And as already mentioned, this DOES happen. I wanted to laugh through this post (because it IS funny) but I couldn't. It's too true. It's too horribly true. And the fact that it's true sends chills down my spine.

  8. @Pragmatic Spector ~ then I did a great job with this blog post. While funny, it really is not.


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