Wednesday, December 23, 2009
When John and I first started dating, we went on a hike. It was a long, long, long hike. (Okay, a half day hike, but a long one)
I walked, hiked, climbed and not once did I bitch (hard to believe). It was at the end of the hike that John gave me my nickname - Nubian.
Nubian - Ancient Africa - Princess/Royalty who were carried everywhere and did not walk, hike or climb.
My posts will still be the same rants, thoughts and occasional bitching. Change is good, but in small doses.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
How crazy has this month become? Is it just me or has December just got out of control? For the past three years I have not put up a single Christmas decoration. Yes, my home would be the one with no lights, no bobbing santa's and no wire lit deer. I was considering replacing our porch light for a red light, but then remembered my last trip to Amsterdam.
I have seen the sheer panic in friends because they have not completed their shopping. They wait for the final 70% off deal and drive everywhere looking for that stupid robotic hamster because little Suzee/Johnee must have it!
The gifts pile under the Christmas Tree ten deep and the excitement and buzz is at a all time high - that high you experience when you find Christian Louboutins on sale and yes they are in your size! (okay maybe not you), but where was I, oh yes that high thing.
Christmas day arrives, gifts are opened, people gushing and lying about that loofah on a stick that doubles as a shower cleaner is just what you wanted, paper piling high and kids saying "is that all?". And then nothing, a totally downer, total depression and the thought of new debt now looms ahead.
We have lost something people! I think Hallmark employing psychologists is finally paying off. We have been sucked into the "if you love someone...", "show them you care this Christmas" crap that we have forgotten about the spirit of Christmas.
I finally figured out a few years ago that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday in America. It is about being with family, being thankful for your friends who put up with your crap and blogs throughout the year and the overeating and laughing and drinking and most of all bonding!
No gifts exchanged, no expectations, no robotic hamsters driving the dogs insane, just you, your family and your friends.
This Christmas day my husband and I will be at the Catholic church soup kitchen feeding the homeless. This is our way of giving back to our new community and going home with the best gift of all, each other.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
December is not my favorite month.
December for me is not a month about glitter, gifts and glam.
December is the month that my father was kidnapped and murdered.
December is the month that every year since my father's death, I play the 'what if' game.
December is the month that I can be driving down the road and have to pull over because the pain in my heart is too intense.
December is the month that I just want the whole world to stop.
December is the month that I wish I could be with my family to reflect and just spend time together.
December is the month that my husband and son just know that a good cup of tea and an extra hug is all I need.
December is the month that would be a good month for my friends to buy shares in Xanax.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Day 1 - UPS leaves note on door that no person was home to receive a package - sign the back of the slip and the package will be delivered the following day.
Day 2 - Signed slip, put back on front door. Came home and ANOTHER slip was on door - slip needs to be signed. What? Did I go and sign with invisible ink again? Check slip - nope, signature very visible as it was done with a BLACK SHARPIE.
Call to UPS goes as follows:
CS - "Ma'am you had to be at home to receive the package."
Moi - "Really? I had a note just to sign."
CS - "Ma'am you can pick up your package at our warehouse after 6:30pm this evening."
Leave home at 6:30pm - drive 30 minutes to the Industrial Hood Area.
CS (Warehouse) - "The driver came back at 6:30pm, but had to leave again to help another driver, your package will be here at 7:30pm - you can go home and come back later"
Moi - "I am not going home, I will wait, is there a rest room I can use"
CS (Warehouse) - "No, it is not a public rest room."
Moi - "So what you are saying is I have to drive around the hood to find a gas station to use the bathroom?"
CS (Warehouse) - "Yes, I can't let you back into the office area, that is where we keep the valuable packages."
Moi - "Seriously?!" (at this point I am looking around the room for packing tape as I feel my arms automatically lifting into the SERIOUS bitch slap mode).
Time is now 8:00pm and still no package. Drive to a gas station where people at the counter are wearing ankle monitors... NICE!!
Call customer service:
CS (Travis) - "Ma'am there isn't anything we can do about your package you will have to wait. They cannot let you use the restroom, it is in the office area where they keep the valuable packages."
Moi - "So you are saying that I would steal one of the valuable packages on the way out of the restroom? Don't you think it would look a little odd - lady walks into rest room with handbag - leaves rest room dragging 'valuable' packages behind her? I have heard of many people leaving the rest room with toilet paper on the bottom of their shoe, but not an entire friggin package!?"
CS (Travis) - "Ma'am you can't use the restroom."
Moi - "Travis - are you married? How would you feel if your wife was in the hood, waiting for a package that was SUPPOSED to be there 1 1/2 hours ago, driving around looking for a gas station?"
CS (Travis) - "With no disrespect Ma'am, I wouldn't allow my wife to go into an Industrial area after dark."
Moi - "You did NOT just go there with me did you Travis?"
CS (Travis) "You can come back on Monday, but I can't do anything about your package being late and I cannot do anything about the restroom, is there a gas station near by? Thank you for using UPS"
Moi - "It will be the last time."
Package arrived at 9:00pm.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Why do there always have been a certain few that can spoil an event for those that have worked so hard to get it up and running? Are there really that many people out there that are just not happy?
Parking too far from ballroom, (I counted 100 steps from parking garage to ballroom). Price increased $5.00 (has never increased in 11 years). Wait to enter parking garage (average wait was 2 minutes) and the list goes on.
My favorite part of putting together an event of this proportion, is how many people deem it necessary to give you 'tips' on what you can do better next year. Really? Where were you when we NEEDED help? When we needed items to be transported, baskets to be made, donations to be collected? But you have a tip on how better we can place the baskets next year? I know EXACTLY where to place those baskets! Be grateful that I am unable to lift my arms to dutifully provide you with the slap you deserve, due to schlepping heavy baskets through a convention center.
I think that everyone needs to blog. It should be a part of required therapy when visiting your therapist. Okay maybe not everyone can blog, so here is my suggestion that we make bitch slapping legal. We could have a panel of judges and here is my selection.
My friend Chiromancer who lives across the pond and feels the same way as I do about Simon Cowell (and it is not favorable).
My fellow 'campaign for congress' slave - we might have to give him guidelines to bitch slapping though - we may need to do some tweaking, he would want to give everyone the same amount of slaps and we would be there for HOURS.
My Californian girlfriend Ms. T - she would write the marketing plan and proposal on our Bitch Slap Bill - grammar and punctuation will be flawless!
I think that would be a wonderful start to helping people along in the "Slapped to Sanity" program.