In 1990 I left my home country, my family and friends. My adventures started in Seattle, I met people, belonged for a while and then moved. San Diego was my next stop, a Navy wife, people flitting in and out of my life and then we moved. For the next 17 years my stop was Utah and as always I came in on the tail end of other people's circle.
What I have struggled the most with is that I have never felt as though I really belonged, I was never a part of a circle. In 2010 we moved to Oregon. Another move. Another circle.
My family and closest friends are spread out over 3 continents, and sometimes when I remember it feels as though I have been hit with that wave. Whenever I miss them, I go for a long walk on the beach and the connection to home is what brings me inner peace.
The sea air fills my lungs and takes me back to those summer days spent on the beach with our Morey Boogie Boards, my Black Widow paddle ski, Duran Duran and midnight movies. Picnics on the beach, tanning with baby oil and vinegar and being connected.
I hear laughter and I am transported back to my mothers home, my sisters, mother, aunt, brother, best friend all having tea, or enjoying another marvelous meal my mother prepared, sharing stories, laughing, and me never failing to remind my younger sister that she is adopted. The room is filled with peace and love.
Somedays when I walk along the beach I see people flying kites and I watch as they gently glide them through the air, the wind guiding, dipping, twisting and turning, absolute serenity and I am mesmerized. When practicing mindfulness this is where I go when my head goes dark.
Through this journey I have learned that when you are at one with the universe and what is before you, that is when your own personal circle is complete and that is what should matter.