September 2003 after 12 years of marriage my then husband informed me that he was moving onto greener pastures. He moved and took along with him his cow or who also was otherwise known as my best friend.
January 2004 was my first birthday alone. T. came home and gave me my gift. It was a mug. A mug that my soon to be ex bought at the dollar store. T. made me a cup of tea in my new mug and I drank my tea forcing it past the lump in my throat. That night after I put T. to bed, I cried.
When I looked at the mug I saw 12 years of marriage. Frequent Navy long deployments. Infidelity. Alcoholism. Physical abuse. Mental abuse. Working while he earned his degree. Sacrificing financially. Rehab. Adultery. Humiliation. Lose of friends. Lose of family. This man who had put me through so much figured I was worth $1.00.
As time passed whenever I used the mug, I could only ever think of what it represented. At the beginning of the year when we moved and I was unpacking I unwrapped the mug and I smiled.
The mug is now in the china cabinet in between the Lladro and Waterford. This mug is truly the most priceless gift I have ever received. This mug represents who I am today.
A survivor.
You are truly a survivor, but so much more. You are an inspiration and an absolute joy to get to know. I am so glad that idiot ex got himself lost. Look at the life you have built since then. Thank you for what you share with honesty and humor on these pages. I learn so much from you.
ReplyDeleteWhat a mess! I mean your ex husband. And we put up with them for much longer than we should. I've been married more than twice and can honestly say I'd rather be alone than married to some abusive sob who makes me feel bad about myself. You are a very strong woman with your insight and humor. You are going to be just fine. And I'm glad he took the cow with him. They deserve each other.
ReplyDelete@Mitch ~ It is how we choose to look at things that determines our reality. Sometimes it just takes me a while to catch up.
ReplyDelete@Linda ~ Abuse starts slowly and then at the end of 12 years you are a shell of nothing. Took a while and a lot of love from Bear to get me where I am today.
In the words of gloria Gainer "I will survive" And boy did you! You not only survived,but you surpassed the pain coming out on the other side, brighter, more beautiful and a insperation to everyone who comes in contact with you.....thank you friend for being you :)
ReplyDeleteHUGE HUGS
I was married to a very physically abusive alcoholic. Why I stayed for 3 years is beyond me. I just wanted it to work, but that doesn't make it work, you know.
ReplyDeleteSome thoughts from reading this:
ReplyDelete- I need softer tissues (ok, that's a goofy one).
- Items and symbols that represent our state of being at a certain point in our lives don't have to always represent that same state.
- You are so right in believing that how we look at things determining our reality. Our mental state is shaped by us in reaction to the external stimuli around us. We can't control the external stimuli always, but we can and should take charge of our reactions.
- Trust is all there is sometimes, and when it's broken, it can be impossible to regain. But your willingness to trust a good man after abuse from a bad one says it all about both you and Bear.
- Thanks!
@David ~ as you know we can either choose to be a victim or a survivor. When the ex left he stated that I would fall apart without him. Pieces are still together and I am STILL going strong.
ReplyDelete@Linda ~ I hear you... mine was the whole "for better, for worse" thing. Duh!
@DefM ~ You are so right. My sister called and she said "You always do see the silver lining." That is what keeps me going.
I don't know what to say other than you are an amazing person. (hugs)
ReplyDelete@Alittlesprite ~ We all have a survivor story to tell. We all need to share. Keeps us all going through the tough times.
ReplyDeleteOops. I was admiring your mug collection and accidentally dropped that one.
ReplyDeleteWithout that piece of ... you wouldn't have met bear.
This inspires me. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI really like this post. Because it proves that we can all move on, despite what we may have gone through and how broken we are...we can rise above and be better for it.
ReplyDelete@Ant ~ I agree. Took me a long time to find the one, but the journey was worth it.
ReplyDelete@dbs ~ thank you
@Mrs. Soldier ~ As my sister said today, I always see the silver lining.
This post also inspires me;
ReplyDeleteto be a better person, to rise above
the common. You are very brave and I admire you for keeping that cup ;-)
Cant remember who said above that they learn from you. So do I, big time!
That was beautiful and honest. It gives me hope.
ReplyDeleteOh that your story would inspire others to realize that they are stronger than the abuser thinks they are...that they have faced the worst and survived so they do have the strength to fly!
ReplyDeleteThis is lovely. I wish you'd add an RSS feed feature to your blog, through which I (and other like-minded folks) could follow your blog (which gives me access even when I'm not at my desktop).
ReplyDeleteSorry, I'm not always this pushy.
Again, lovely read. Thank you for sharing (and surviving!).