Sunday, August 14, 2011


Dear Ex-Husband:

Recently you told T that you feel as though you failed as a parent because he does not have a driver's license.  Let me help you with the top 8 things on my list as to where you actually did fail.

1.  Leaving your wife and son destitute while you moved onto greener pastures.

2.  Refusing to increase child support, your constant mantra ~ "Take me to court."

3.  Refusing to help with co-pays for doctor visits, medicine, tuition, tutors, clothing.

4.  Never attending parent teacher conference or any school event, especially his important capstone project ~ you know the one that he needed in order to graduate high school.

5.  Seeing your son a total of 3 weeks a year when you lived 10 minutes away.

6.  Calling your son on the last year you had Thanksgiving with him to let him know you were not doing anything special so he shouldn't bother going to your home.

7.  Telling your son, while he begged you to spend more time with him, that you now had your own family.

8.  Flying your son out to visit you after you had not seen him for a year and you didn't even take a week off work to spend it with him.   (You have been with the company for 15 years, I am sure you had a little vacation time.)

As I sit and type this I am reminded of the phrase "Nature vs Nurture" because T. is blessed to have Bear in his life.  In eleventh grade T. wrote an essay on his hero.  It wasn't you.



  1. this brought tears to my eyes. Thank God he had you my friend.

  2. @David ~ thank you ~ T is blessed to have Bear in his life, the one who picked up the ball and ran with it. He is T's hero.

  3. Ouch.

    Genes do not a parent make. Glad your son has two loving parents.

  4. :(
    So stupid to equate a DL to being a success as a parent. Thank God T has your brains..and Bear's love, support and smile everyday.

  5. yikes. that's quite a list of failings. maybe you could print it out & send it to him.

  6. Proof that there's a distinct difference between genetic contributor & parent.

  7. As I have always told, it would come back and bite him. A drivers license is nothing compared to the young man we know and love. Besides T got around just fine.

  8. Your list makes me sad that there are so many parents that this can apply to. It is wonderful he has you and Bear.

  9. @Ant ~ yeah total ouch, but thank heavens for Bear.

    @Alex ~ I know it sounds stupid to us, but what it does to T is what angers me.

    @Vinny ~ agreed, totally.

    @Gizzy58 ~ You were there and sheltered and fed us and for that we will always be grateful. Can't wait for karma to work her magic.

    @Brooke ~ So incredibly sad. Bear is T's rock.

    @dbs ~ huge pricks, but not anatomically. ;~)

  10. You know my mom was just here for a month and I enjoyed my time with her. But, I can relate as she was not the person who raised me. When I was young, she chose to leave. Funny thing is, she never passed up a chance to say bad things about my father. My father raised my brother and I to the best of his ability while my mother lived the life she thought she wanted. He never said one word against her. I look back now and see it for what it was. When I refer to my parents, I always mean my father and stepmother. I know you've done a good job with T and I know he's smart enough to know and appreciate who his parents are. ;)

  11. Crikey! As if someone fails as a parent because their child doesn't have a driver's licence! Talk about giving one's head a shake!

  12. This leaves a lump in my throat and angers me at the same time. I don't know if writing it was cathartic, but I sure hope so. It was damn powerful.

  13. @Meg ~ thank you.

    @Talli ~ I know it boggles the mind

    @TDM ~ it was very cathartic.

  14. A phenomenal insight. My Dad left when I was 11 and dubbed me the man of the house. My Mum did her level best as did my ever patient Step Dad.
    I turned out ok and have since made my peace with my Dad, after 30 years of being afraid of him he now seeks my advice on matters that are important to him and have gained his respect as a man rather than a boy. Well done to Nubian, Bear and T.

  15. @Simon ~ I hope one day T can have the peace you have. Thanks for your kind words.

  16. Wow. What a raging shitbag. If you want me to go all psycho, just send me his address. Then again, I could just send Dr. Optimism to do my dirty work. MUWHAHAHA!

  17. We've never met. But I love you. I love T. And I love Bear.


Comment Love.