Sunday, September 26, 2010

Nails on a chalkboard

I have a list of things that really, really irk me and I refer to as my nails on a chalkboard syndrome.  The topic today would be in my top five.

I love Champagne.  In the wise words of Napoleon Bonapart "A person deserves Champagne after a victory, but after a loss, needs it."

I love Champagne, REAL Champagne, the one that comes from the Region of Champagne in France and has been created in the traditional Méthode Champenoise.  After a while the Champagne bottles are put into racks where they are lovingly turned a fraction at a time.  It is an art and a talent and foreplay to me would be showing me your hands as you perform the twist method.

In South Africa we always referred to "Champagne" as Sparkling wine as per the EU it can only have the title of Champagne if it comes from the Region of Champagne in France (feel I need to constantly point this out, are you still with me on this one).
When someone mentions that they don't like Champagne I ask them what did they have expecting them to say they had this:

to which I would feign horror as this is Champagne, the only one for me.  Your first sip of this heavenly nectar fills your mouth with bubbles,  the bubbles then gently pop/burst on your tongue and the liquid evaporates quickly as the dryness, oh the dryness...

But NO, they say they had this:

Nails on a chalkboard.  I think people just say this shit to mess with me.  You may have heard about how certain things get me going that you can virtually see the hairs raise on the back of my neck and my face tighten as though I just completed an intense series of Botox shots.  I should start charging for that party trick. I have been into wine stores that refer to Sparkling Wine as Champagne and out of the corner of my eye I can just see my husband tense up and put his head down slightly and cringing waiting for the bitch slap to be delivered.  That would be known as the "lighting of the firecracker syndrome."  This is not Champagne, it is Sparkling Wine, actually it is box wine with bubbles added as an after thought. 

Now this Sparkling Wine deserves to be in the Champagne category, but it cannot be as... now let us all say it together, it is not from the Region of Champagne in France.  Good students!  Now where was I, oh yes you can buy this Sparkling Wine online through Southern Hemisphere Wines and for $10.00 a bottle, you are, without a doubt, getting a deal!

It is from South Africa, the Franschoek Valley to be exact.  The reason why this has such a special place in my heart is that I was privileged enough to receive one of the very first bottles as a gift from Mr. Achim von Arnim when I worked at the Swiss Farm Excelsior AND for me, it is the closest to Veuve Cliquot.

So now you know about just one of the many, many things that piss me off.  I think I should start blogging about those, it would give me some great writing material for a while.


  1. A Champagne expert, eh? Thanks for the lesson! I'll scratch people's eyes out the next time they mess this up, just for you!

  2. @ Dr C ~ Next blog will be about Whisky vs Whiskey ;)

  3. Cool - well I'm fine to drink champagne to get into the fall spirit, but probably brandy. And I do like fall, if it's not wet. Very interesting - I almost went on a press trip to the champagne region of France once but didn't have the time. That would have been a good one.

  4. @David ~ then you wouldn't like Oregon ;~) Okay I have to give you the 'what the hell were you thinking' reality slap ~ you were TOO busy to go to France on a Champagne junket?? One is never, ever too busy for Champagne. Say that 100 times okay?

  5. lol - I have been saying it ever since. I was also too busy to go to Morrocco once...

  6. Oh David, David, David ~ what are we going to do with you. Your next blog post should be about opportunities that other people would give a left boob for, but you were just too busy to go.

  7. Ha - well to be fair I accepted press trips to Israel, Alsace, DC, Med drinking cruise, Finland, Tunisia x 2, Portugal x 2, Egypt, Spain etc. I just read your naturalization piece - too funny. What is it with those 102 year old DoR types? She was rather pleased I was English and not a damned Frenchie..

  8. Oh dear - I think I can work out what MFSOB stands for. Sorry to hear it. I didn't feel a great deal of hatred towards my ex but I did find myself wondering how I could have spent the best part of a decade with this person.


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