Nails on a chalkboard

I have a list of things that really, really irk me and I refer to as my nails on a chalkboard syndrome.  The topic today would be in my top five.

I love Champagne.  In the wise words of Napoleon Bonapart "A person deserves Champagne after a victory, but after a loss, needs it."

I love Champagne, REAL Champagne, the one that comes from the Region of Champagne in France and has been created in the traditional Méthode Champenoise.  After a while the Champagne bottles are put into racks where they are lovingly turned a fraction at a time.  It is an art and a talent and foreplay to me would be showing me your hands as you perform the twist method.

In South Africa we always referred to "Champagne" as Sparkling wine as per the EU it can only have the title of Champagne if it comes from the Region of Champagne in France (feel I need to constantly point this out, are you still with me on this one).

When someone mentions that they don't like Champagne I ask them what did they have expecting them to say they had this:

to which I would feign horror as this is Champagne, the only one for me.  Your first sip of this heavenly nectar fills your mouth with bubbles,  the bubbles then gently pop/burst on your tongue and the liquid evaporates quickly as the dryness, oh the dryness...

But NO, they say they had this:

Nails on a chalkboard.  I think people just say this shit to mess with me.  You may have heard about how certain things get me going that you can virtually see the hairs raise on the back of my neck and my face tighten as though I just completed an intense series of Botox shots.  I should start charging for that party trick. I have been into wine stores that refer to Sparkling Wine as Champagne and out of the corner of my eye I can just see my husband tense up and put his head down slightly and cringing waiting for the bitch slap to be delivered.  That would be known as the "lighting of the firecracker syndrome."  This is not Champagne, it is Sparkling Wine, actually it is box wine with bubbles added as an after thought. 

Now this Sparkling Wine deserves to be in the Champagne category, but it cannot be as... now let us all say it together, it is not from the Region of Champagne in France.  Good students!  Now where was I, oh yes you can buy this Sparkling Wine online through Southern Hemisphere Wines and for $10.00 a bottle, you are, without a doubt, getting a deal!

It is from South Africa, the Franschoek Valley to be exact.  The reason why this has such a special place in my heart is that I was privileged enough to receive one of the very first bottles as a gift from Mr. Achim von Arnim when I worked at the Swiss Farm Excelsior AND for me, it is the closest to Veuve Cliquot.

So now you know about just one of the many, many things that piss me off.  I think I should start blogging about those, it would give me some great writing material for a while.