Monday, July 16, 2012

Closest I will ever come to being Japanese.

 


I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease and I am not a happy Nubian.  For those of you who want more detailed information you can find it here.  I have never been enamored with Japan, unlike my fellow blogger Vinny, and now I know why.

Hashimoto's is not life threatening, but what it is, is soul destroying. The weight gain has been horrific and along with that comes depression as every diet or exercise you try only maintains your weight.  Some times I will lose up to 5lbs, but those are added quickly and this yo yo back and forth has been challenging.

I am tired of the various Doctors response of "you will be on medication for the rest of your life" - "this is what happens with this disease" - "going to increase your anti-depressants"

I am tired of people asking me what my diet is, or how much exercise do I do.  I am about to get lock jaw from clenching it so soundly at those comments.  I feel as though every time I go out people are looking at me and living in a college town where the skinny bitches run around in yoga gear does nothing for my self-esteem. Yes I know, we have heard all the jokes about the fat girl having a 'gland' problem, but when it happens to you, it's not so funny anymore.

I am so frustrated and angry I want to kick something.  Pity my ex lives so far away, he would be great kicking material.

So I will continue to plod along, taking meds and hoping that I drop at least a few pounds before the winter.  If I don't future blog posts ain't going to be pretty.

34 comments:

  1. You really shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone. Maybe the doctors. But at least you know what's going on with your body. That's better than most of us who just can't muster enough will power to not eat another cookie. (I mean this in the most supportive way. Good luck.)

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    1. Thanks Brent, that really means a lot and I will continue to fight this demon in my head.

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  2. I admire you for putting this out here and sharing it. Brent is right; you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.

    And don't hate the skinny girls. Just run them over with a minivan.

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    1. Glenn thanks for always being my cheerleader. Now can I get a picture of you in a short skirt with pompoms?

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  3. Sorry to hear Lydia - have never heard of it but sounds depressing - I think to improve your mood we should send over your ex and you can post a video of you giving him a good kicking x

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    1. What a brilliant idea. When will you be luring him to his fate? I want to make sure I have the right shoes on.

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  4. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I know what it is like to have your own immune system attack your body. It's horrid. Thinking of you. xxx

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    1. Thank you, just going to face this, deal with it and try live with it. xox

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  5. Thats crappy, Seems you have to break out some thyroid hormone stuff. Can't it be treated with wine, lots of wine? So sorry to hear about your illness. xx

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    1. Thanks Sandy. Yes on lots of meds right now and on lots of wine. xox

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  6. Oh, Nubiansan (followed by polite bow), this sucks! But I am glad you finally know what's going on at least. I love the image of kicking your ex. (From what you've said about him, that's always a good idea.) Maybe all your followers can channel our energies and give him one huge karmic kick.

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    1. I love the way you think. All together now... channel that kick...

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  7. Sorry about the diagnosis. I love Japan less now.

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    1. Yeah right... the next Japanese gadget to come out will have you salivating and you will be saying "Nubian who?" xox

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  8. That's rough, I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. There's gotta be something you can kick, like a car that's parked terribly or the person who writes a check in a convenience store for a pack of gum?
    (Also, I had to do a search for Hashimoto's because the link you provided went to the same link as the picture. Thought you should know.)

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    1. Fixed the link. Thanks for support and yes I will be on the lookout for the idiot who writes a check for a pack of gum!

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  9. That sucks. It really really really sucks. Eloquent, aren't I? I've had metabolism issues for the last seven years that have caused weight gain and affeced my body image in a horrible way. Especially since I used to have extreme eating disorders as a teen when I was modeling. The doctors believe the damage is probably a result of my past actions. But you, YOU are innocent! You SHOULD kick something but try to avoid kicking those skinny college bitches, with the 0% body fat and those thin yoga pants, you could break a toe or something. Wait until winter to do it when your boots will give you better protection.

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    1. I am loving the boot protection idea. How are you doing? I think of you often, hence my "are you okay" posts on your blog. xox

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  10. God. I'm so, so very very sorry to read this today. I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm sorry this landed in your lap and I'm sorry you can't change it. I imagine the worst part would be the loss of control: you aren't getting bigger or having those symptoms because of you or your diet. It's because of the damn disease. But that doesn't mean people aren't going to look at you like, bitch, stop eating that hamburger. But you know what? Fuck them. They don't know you and they don't know your story, so don't concern yourselves with petty assholes you won't have to see again.

    Please keep writing about your ups and downs if it helps - we're here for you. 100%. Even if you just post pictures of the skinny blonde you just ran over with your mini-van. We'll start a Kickstarter fund to help you bury the body.

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  11. Nicki - you made my day. Thank you.

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  12. I just read about it thanks to the link you provided. Stay strong, you will be in my prayers. And should you not want that, I can replace prayer with a pie. :)

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    1. Thank you so much. Pie? .... Yes please.

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  13. Ugh L, that sucks. I had post pregnancy thyroid issues with my oldest and thought I was going insane, so I totally understand that part of it. As far as the questions about eating, I get so tired of that too when related to my Diabetes. Sometimes it's just so F-n depressing when you watch other people eat and know you have to watch every bite that goes in your mouth. Next time we get a chance to Skype, we can commiserate, you about Hashimoto's and me about Diabetes...would it be wrong to share cake while we chat? ;)

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    1. Hope we can Skype soon. Need to catch up, hopefully next weekend.

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  14. Cripes! Have you only recently been diagnosed? I don't know much about Hashimoto's but any long term illness can take over your life. I have been working with a hypnotherapist and it really does help to take you to another place when it all gets too much.

    BW,
    Lesley x.

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    1. I am willing to try anything, so that will be on my list. Thank you.

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  15. So sorry that you're struggling with this Nubian. Know that we got your back, especially if you need any help beating up skinny bitches (or getting rid of their bodies or evidence). I know some guys.

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    1. Thanks Doc. Now about those guys...

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  16. Ugh, your doctor sounds like a twat. What she's upset? Lets increase anti-depressants instead of look at possible lifestyle changes to fix the solution. I'd kick your doctor if I were you. He seems like good kicking material.

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    1. Hashimotos Disease is not anything to do with your lifestyle. Your body decides it doesn't like your Thyroid and starts to attack it. The meds are to maintain my weight - anti-depressants increase the serotonin which helps your metabolism. So the little cocktail of drugs helps me stay sane. :-)

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  17. I’m so very sorry to hear about your diagnosis, Nubian. Living with chronic illness and an autoimmune disease completely alters your life. I speak from firsthand experience because I have AS (ankylosing spondylitis). As difficult as it is to cope with such a diagnosis at first, you’ll find you’ll come to terms with this in a while and find ways to keep your spirits elevated so that you triumph over your condition, rather than allowing your condition to ravage your mind, body and spirit. As you live with your illness, you truly can rise above it, Nubian. Please believe that.

    As for other people—ignore them. Their comments and/or disapproving looks can only the have power to wound you if you allow it. Don’t. You deserve better than that.

    Sending good thoughts, prayers and hugs.

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    1. Thank you for your support. I read up on AS and ouchie ouchie ouchie. How are YOU doing? {Hugs}

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  18. I'm sorry. This is such sucky news to hear. I wish there was a way I could help. Is there? More wine? Sending you love and prayers and a hope that all the idiots surrounding you shut it.

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    1. Wine would be wonderful. Trying to be upbeat. Would work better if I could kick my ex. :-)

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