Sunday, May 23, 2010

Almost there!

We received an offer on our home last week ~ we counter offered and it was accepted.

Thank you to my peeps for the positive energy and I really do think it was the dancing naked beneath the moon that did it.

This week will be a busy one. 

I will keep you posted on the Feng Shui packing.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Three Boxes

It has taken me practically all day to pack three boxes.  After I completed this task I called my friend Maid Marian to keep her in the loop on what the meter is registering currently with regards to my sanity.  I told her that I needed to go to Lowe's to get more boxes and she told me to go to the liquor store because the boxes are free.  This is where the conversation went to hell, I think she is still nursing a bleeding tongue.

Nubian:  All my boxes must be the same, I can't have an un-feng shui POD

Maid Marian:  I bet you labeled your boxes and even made your own stickers and wrote down on the outside of the box what the contents are.

Nubian: Quit while you are ahead.

Maid Marian:  Shutting up right now.  Biting tongue ~ tongue is glued to the roof of my mouth.

Am I really that transparent? 

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Keeping a journal

Some people keep a detailed journal about events and great occasions in their lives.

I write about them on wine corks.

I can just see the conversation T will have with his kids:

Kid:  Daddy did Granny keep a journal about your life growing up?

T:  Yes she did, but she wrote about them on wine corks.

Kid:  Why Daddy?

T:  Your grandmother is a lush.

Another perfect, parenting moment for T to discuss with his therapist in the years to come.

Friday, May 14, 2010


I have 30 days to sell my home.  I have buried St. Joseph, prayed to St. Joseph, lit many, many candles to St. Joseph, bargained with St. Joseph and still St. Joseph is not listening.  I know he can hear me, but I have the sneaky feeling that I am being transferred right into voice mail.  (St. Joseph, it's a Catholic thing, go GOOGLE it.)

A Realtor made the comment to my Realtor that there are so many homes in our price range out there.  Yes, I would agree BUT not in our neighborhood or for 3,180 square feet.  I am practicing meditation ~ I am standing in front of said Realtor, left hand firmly holding the stem of my wine glass, slowly raise right hand, breath in, breath out, feel your center, and WHAPISH ~ bitch slapped right upside the head!

So dear friends please, please, please start lighting candles, put out the positive energy, pray that the god's (whom ever she should be ;D) to send me the buyer who will fall in love with my home so that I can finally make the big move to be with my husband, because you want me to be happy right?  (is the guilt coming through okay?  check 1, check 1, 2).

Husband, I know you banned me from emailing the White House before I got my citizenship, but now I am only 28 days away from the big event.  Can I please, please email Mr. President and ask for a bail out?  I promise to be nice.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Newspaper Headlines

Arizona loses more business as Immigration law backlash continues
Not even the Republicans were willing to have their National Convention there in 2012 ~ $90million in lost revenue.   Watch closely as prices of products and produce coming out of Arizona start to rise. ~ don't think anyone is willing to work for $3.00 per hour anymore.   I just had an awful thought, they don't grow grapes in Arizona do they?  I need to expand the wine cellar before the craziness hits the Northwest. 

Franklin Graham prays outside Pentagon after being uninvited over 'Islam is evil' comments.
Don't you just hate it when you have a group of idiots who give your faith a bad name?  Did you know that it is less than 1% that are radical Muslim?  It would be no different than to say that all Catholic men and pedophiles and all Mormons are polygamists.  This is how simple it is ~ when we all stand before God, He is going to smack us ALL upside the head and say "you people it was so simple, it was believe in me, but NO you had to go make it all complicated with your various off shoots".  I am a huge fan of Jesus, hey anyone who can turn water into wine has my vote!!

Steve King (R) Iowa "Gays wouldn't face discrimination if they didn't wear their sexuality on their sleeve."
They do?  Really?  I have friends who are gay and I haven't seen any little symbol on their sleeve that signifies that they are gay.  My husband and I both have the Human Rights Campaign stickers on our vehicles, does that make us gay?  I need to ask my dearest friend (who never returns my fucking (the word is in the dictionary, see previous blog) phone calls), NNM the 3rd if he has something on his sleeve that screams out that he is gay.  Sometimes I wonder if politicians just say shit like this to piss me off ~ maybe they have shares in some vineyard that I purchase from, hence driving me to drink.

Sarah Palin's new book 'America by Heart' to come out in November.
This is a woman who is all about 'the people'.  The woman who decided that being a Governor wasn't as fulfilling to her bank account as is her book tours and speeches.  I need a jug of wine with a side of Valium. 

Thomas Jane "My penis is average"
Prove it.

Sunday, May 9, 2010


Happy Mother's Day to my Mom.  I know that everyone claims that their Mother's are the best, but mine truly is.

My Mom raised four children on her own and I know that she constantly wished that my sisters and brother were more like me.  I never gave my mother one inch of trouble, I was/am the perfect daughter.  This is how I remember it, my Mother seems to remember it differently, but I think she is confusing me with my younger sister, the adopted one.  (no she is not really adopted I just always told her that, it still drives her up the wall.)

My Mom cornered the market on guilt, my mom and the Catholic church that is.  When my Mom would ask us to do something and we 'bitched' her response was "Never mind, I will remember that" ~ talk about instant guilt!

My Mom told us that we were only allowed to use words that were in the Oxford English Dictionary.  When they added the word "fuck" it was a great day!  Lesson I learned, be careful what you tell your kids, it will come back to bite you in the ass, and yes, ass is in the dictionary.

My Mom is an incredible baker and cook.  She makes the most amazing cakes, from scratch people!  I never inherited that trait, my older sister did.  This is a cake my sister did and won a gold medal for.  The flowers are all hand made with fondant icing. 

I miss my Mom, living on a different continent is tough, but we all seem to fair well.  My older sister lives in Brisbane, Australia, I live in Utah (soon to be an Oregonian) and my brother and 'adopted' sister live in South Africa as does my Mom. 

My Mom always allowed us to have friends over and we would cook and entertain, watch those silly scary movies and have loads  of slumber parties.  My Mom was very wise, she always welcomed all of our friends and our home was the home to veg out in.  I have adopted the same philosophy with T.  My Mom is known as Mrs D to all our friends ~ how cool is that!  Me, I am known as T's Mom.

I called my Mom last night ~ time difference they are 8 hours ahead ~ and I had to be the first one to call, little sibling competition we have going on.  My Mom has the flu and I wish I was there to bring her tea and make chicken soup just as she did for us when we were sick.

I envy my friends who have their Mom's right here ~ should have put that one on my envy blog. 

Happy Mother's Day Mom, I am the Mom to T because of you.

Friday, May 7, 2010

My Top Five Current Envy List

I envy...

1.  People who have sold their home within a month ~ how many St. Joseph statues did they bury in their yard?

2.  People who write great blogs ~ go check out the blogs I follow,  I stood behind the door when God was handing out the writing/sense of humor trait.

3.  People who can drive over a bridge without freaking out ~ I know I won't be driving much in Portland when we make the move.

4.  People who can go to Las Vegas, drink an insane amount of Long Island Ice Teas and be up early the next morning chipper and ready to start another day of fun.

5.  My husband for his amazing ability to always look at the glass half full ~ my glass is full of wine and constantly empty.

Someone out there, somewhere, is so deserving of a bitch slap ~ That will get me out of my funk, text me with names and I will gladly oblige.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The test and the interview.

As I was driving to the US Immigration Office this morning I was listening to the CD provided with all the questions and answers.  It was round about the second time that I turned it off and figured if I didn't know it now, I probably would not ever know it.

I have a problem remembering dates (as my husband can attest to in me not remembering our wedding anniversary).  My history teacher in high school told me that I constantly changed the course of history when writing my exams.

Sitting in the waiting area I thought that having a pap smear right now would be more tolerable than having to wait for your name to be called.  In my letter I was told to 'dress appropriately' and was shocked that I needed to be told this.  It wasn't until I was in the waiting room did I realize why they made that an issue.  My idea of dressing appropriately was, nylons, black skirt, shirt and linen jacket, the other people in the area, well their idea was sweats, a t-shirt, jeans skin tight with tight t-shirt displaying the muffin top scenario.

My name was called and those few steps to the interview room felt like forever.  I felt as though my shoes were cement blocks.  I had to take an oath and then it all began.  The lady that interviewed me was terrific.  She talked about her allergies and sinus problems, I spoke about mine, she made me feel as though she was my best friend about to crack open a bottle of wine (wait that wouldn't happen, I live in Utah).

I was asked 10 questions and can now only remember 3. 

1.  Name a war that took place in the 1900's.  Answer: Persian Gulf War (She was impressed as she said that she only ever gets the answer WW1 or WW2)

2.  Who is the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court? John Roberts

3.  How many members are there in the House of Representatives?  435

I cannot for the life of me remember the other 7 questions, but I passed them all.

I was then asked to write the following sentence:  Washington was our first President.

Then had to read a sentence in English.

I was asked the standard questions:

1.  Are you a habitual drunkard?  (define habitual?)

2.  Are you in the country to sexually solicit? (with me they would pay me to put my clothes back on!)

3.  Am I a member of any terrorist organization? (are there people that answer yes to these?)

More questions and then I was done.  I passed. 

On the 9th June I take the oath and cannot believe that in the next elections I will be able to vote.  If I add up all costs incurred with my Green Card and now my Citizenship, the sum that I come up with is close to $10,000.

So remember this blog and what I had to go through JUST TO BE ABLE TO VOTE and all you have to do is log on to the computer and register.

Can't wait for 5:00pm to roll around and open up that bottle of wine and celebrate! 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Citizenship Test and Interview

Tomorrow, Monday, I take my citizenship test and interview.  This has been an incredibly long road.

I have all my forms, certified documents and all IRS letters proving that I have paid taxes for the past five years.

Friends have been calling to wish me good luck and everyone of them ended the conversation with "now just be nice".  Funny how they all felt the need to tell me that.

I will update you all as soon as I know.  Now I must get back to studying.